Saturday, October 30, 2004


I'm not the smartest person on the earth. I admit this freely. BUT I don't think I'm all that stupid either. So what is with the daylight savings thing? I mean do we really need this? I think it's a twice a year April fools joke. I know the history of it, I get that somehow people are not smart enough to say "oh look the sun comes out later and goes down earlier in the winter so we need to adjust when we go to work/school/play ect." No they need a law in each state that has this to tell them what to do. AZ is right on the money, they chose a time and stuck to it, and so far they have not fallen off the face of the earth. Maybe the people in AZ are smarter then the rest of us, or they are just unique but either way they have survived with a "no daylight savings zone" without the hand of G*D coming down and sweeping them away. You know there are enough things in life that mess with your head, I don't need people to mess with time as well. BUT it's sort of like taxes, rebellion isn't gonna get you anywhere.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Yesterday was my B-day

and it was one of the best I've had in a long time. Marrige is a funny thing. Sometimes it takes years to communcate one single idea. With my spouse it has been the gift of giving. It isn't that he doesn't apperciate me, or that he doesn't love me. It's just that he is lost. You see most women that I know can give an approperate gift to someone that they have only known for like 10 min. Heck I've been known to shop for family memebers that I only met once when they were 2. Men I think, are so worried about getting it right that they freeze up. A deer in the headlights for sure. And the problem is that with really good gift giving you can't tell them what to get you......... (the women reading this will instantly understand that and the men will not). Part of the perfect gift, is not knowning what it is beforehand, perhaps even some misdirection casted about just to really suprise you. After 9 yrs of being together I'd given up on my spouse's abilty to comprehend any of this. BUT I should know better. This year he went out and figure it all out himself, from dinner to making me a card, to a cute little stuff kitten. We may be broke but he really did good at making me feel special. Yea to good husbands!

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Why I hate politcians

So my fathers wife (a good person!) sent me a magazine called Vegetarian times, not because I'm a vegetarian (after the gastric bypass it would be very difficult to be one and it is not recommended) but because I've found a new love of veggies and fruits and things that are natural. This is a great gift as prior to now I've never really learned to do much cooking with veggies AND because my hubby is interested in doing more with soy products. This mag. however doesn't limit itself to just handing out recipes but also talking about other things that are environmentally interesting. One of it's articles discuss the fact that schools are spraying pesticides all over the schools without any/much concern about where that pesticide is getting on to. I mean sure they probably aren't intentionally spraying down the desk and toys and paper products in the schools but this stuff is usually aerosolized stuff. (aerosolized aer·o·sol n 1.a small container holding a substance that can be dispensed under pressure by a propellant as a spray. Also called air spray 2.a substance held in a small container from which it can be dispensed under pressure by a propellant as a spray. Also called air spray 3.a suspension of solid or liquid particles in a gaseous medium ) Which means that any wind or air movement can blow this stuff just about anywhere. The smaller the particles the further they can go. How many kids do you know that do things like touch their desk and then insert their finger into their mouth? Yea, well if you don't know any then you probably don't know any kids. Think about this, most of the the spraying for roaches is done near/in the lunch room. DO you think they are cleaning off the tables sufficiently? are you sure? What is sufficiently for your kid, how well does the surface of the table absorb the pesticide? Hey I hate bugs probably more then most people but if you think about it, the roaches are far less deadly then the pesticide. I may be CF by choice (that's childfree for those that don't know) but that doesn't mean that I think this is ok to do this in schools, caring about kids doesn't require having one. So who can you contact to help yourself be heard and learn more about the subject, here ya go:

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Then there are days.........

There are days when it is hard to be kind. Days when the wearness wash's over me and I just don't feel like I can stay inside my skin any longer. When petty jelousy and eveny are more my friends then anything good. I get tired of being a good person. Today I started the day as a good person who was thinking about doing good work. By the end of the day the person cutting me off in traffic deserved to die. (I swear they are all trying to kill me on the road!) However eatting fruit makes me happy and turns me back into a good person. As a former fatty I did not eat a lot of fruit. After all if I was gonna take in caloires then why waste it on fruit? And heck by the time I was hungry enough to eat something with high calories in it that I didn't give a damn what it was I was in 7-11 or Wawa (for those east coasters). But now there is very little in those joints that I want to eat, instead I want fruit. No not some rolled up suger coated thing that is suppose to taste like fruit, no, the real stuff that was grown..... on a plant .........then harvested....... hopefully grown by some organic farmer person. Of course, fruit is getting mighty expensive now, they want get this 8$+ for blackberry's (now there is something I'd like to hear Bush or Kerry talk about). So I'm trying the frozen ones. I got to figure something out before winter truely hits. One good thing is that crab season is really begining...... and crab may not make me quiet as happy as fruit but it's up there.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Feeling of impending doom

about our elections. I don't know excatly what it is that I'm feeling afraid of. Weither it is terrrism in the polling places or Bush wining or being disappointed again by the Democrats when Kerry is force to do things that he told us he wouldn't. The most important thing in politics is for you to convay a feeling of hope......but I don't feel that from any side. I'm not even sure who us and them is anymore except that I'm not in either group. I feel a sense of saddness when my fellow indepenant thrid party voters are sending me email saying that this time is diffrent we have to choose a side. That my vote needs to be counted against evil. I try to remind them that if a there was a true thrid party in america then in all likelyhood we wouldn't be in this place to begin with. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not being represented I'm sick of two parties that say that they are diffrent and make diffrent promises but in truth are ruled by a two party system that makes sure that nothing changes. I'm tired of seeing homelessness here and making more people homeless in Iraq. I can't be alone here........ there must be others who have a sane minut to relize that this game is not working. I don't know what the answer is, but I'm pretty sure the voting polls won't have it.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

While I'm on the subject......

The subject of prejudism that is. One of the reasons that I tell my story about changing my mind and my idea's of gay men is to show people that you can change someones mind. Not with anger and hate of your own but by what I call persistance instances of sanity. Why would you bother? Well because a good portion of people who are prejudice are either so by ignorance or apathy, both of these are curable (unlike being gay, african american, ect.). Of course the most out spoken prejudice people are filled with hate, and I don't know that you can ever change someones mind when they need to hate, I think that is a spritual thing. Ignorace and Apathy tho' is what lets people who hate get what they want. Take for instance segragated schools, listen to the arguements for segargation, they can sound so so sensible to someone who is not on their guard. Statements like 1) But black people are diffrent. (yep they are diffrent, good thing to as us white people do some pretty messed up stuff) 2) They go to seprate schools but learning is learning so it shouldn't matter (ummm yea but see it did because "black" schools didn't have books or the tools to teach kids in the same way that the "white" schools did) 3) (here is the one I love) But I don't want my kids around black people and I have the right to say what my kid is exposed to (which really translates into I don't want my daughter to see that black men are attractive. The funny part was they were right about this one, many white people find people of other races attractive I wonder if that is actually an instictive nature thing to find someone that looks as diffrent as possible from you to love, and seriously nature vs. the bible and nature is gonna win every single time). Of course most people I know would never consider going back to Segrating schools but hopefully by outline what some of the arguements were you can see how if someone didn't have kids and was apathtic to what was happening you can see how they might have accepted some of these arguements if there wasn't other people around to say "hey no, listen these reasons are BS and this is why". If your gonna fight prejudism you have to understand the other peoples arguements, why? because they are shouting their reasoning from the roof top and although their reasoning is full of holes on the surface it will sound reasonable to the uneducated and poorly informed. We must be able to combat bad reasoning with good, we must have our sources and they must be impeachable sources, we must be able to reason with logic and humor about history and our view of the future. We must assume that it will take more then one talk, that we should not assume that just because we didn't change someones mind this day that they won't come back and ask questions later so we should never end the conversation in a heated angery way. And if you don't know something then just say it, just say I don't know but we can look it up.

These things work, they worked on me and they now work by me. I don't when every fight, sometimes I really piss people off, but I hope that some people who are apathic or ignorant are listening in on the side, maybe not ready to speak up yet and thinking to themselve, "hey yea that girl has some points and she isn't a raving luntic" (not being a raving luntic is one of my goals in life)

Saturday, October 16, 2004

and like it matters any ways

As some of you know, at one time I had a diffrent view of gay people then I do now. I thought that I was opened minded because I really didn't care what people did in the bedroom and I pretty much thought it was none of my business who you decided to love. What I failed to relieze was that my apathy to any gay issues allowed prejudgism to enter my mind. It happened when the right winged people began to blur the line between pedfilia and gay men and the issue of adoption. It wasn't that I thought that all gay men were pedfiles, it was much much bigger then that, it was that I couldn't imagn a man wanting to take care of a child unless there was something, er, wrong with him. Most men I had known avoided pregnacy like the plague, and if they had gotten a girl pregnate then she was left to take care of the problem as she saw fit. If any contact was kept it was thru' the courts and money was attached to it somehow. It's easy to see how I might have formed some very messed up views on the entire issue and once formed not really revisited until someone really confronted me and made me take a look at how screwed up I was. I now knew lots of men, both gay and otherwise, who were wonderful fathers or who could be wonderful parents, people who I would leave my own kids with. Infact I'd say now (considering where I live) I probably know more gay people that I would leave my kids with then straight. What this has accomplished is someone who at one time didn't really care one way or the other about gay rights becoming very sensitive to it.

To get back to the subject, when I hear people going over the arguement, again about weither being gay is a choice or not it really pisses me off. I realize that to relgiouse people the choice question matters because if it was a choice or a sickness then there might be some cure. Yep a cure, then we could all be alike.......AS IF that would be something that you'd want to cure. There are just 3 points that I'd like to make about all that 1) If people can find happiness in one another, good, we need more happy people, not people making themselve insane by trying to be like someone else 2) If you want to find a cure for something how about something that actually kills people like cancer, Hep C, or hey how about war 3) I find fantic's to be far more offensive then peoples public display of affection, when we can teach fantic's to leave their religions at home and not bomb, shoot, or talk politic's and yet retain their tax exsempt statis then we can talk about public displays of affection, in the mean time I say I want to kiss a girl in front of the white house and think everyone should join me. I say lets have a kiss out. :)

It's good to be loved

This week I've had an over abundance of love being given to me. From everyone. I feel so good from this that I'm just about to burst. My hubby is almost always giving love out, with cuddles and good coffee, I tend to take it for grant sometimes, but when he comes home with 1lbs of chocolate (the kind that I CAN eat), well that is special. Then my new friend in CA. we've been bonding like crazy. I haven't had a new friend in sooo long that I feel like I'm back in HS (and I LIKE it this time around). Then my father calls up and we have this whole bonding session, which to tell the truth has been a long time coming. I think he was almost in tears, I know I was in tears. To add to all this happiness the hubby also scores big grades on all of his test, if things work out he's looking at being a straight A student. Life is good and it is good to be loved. I hope you all out in blog land are feeling as loved as I am this week. Hugs to you all.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

So what is this blog thing

I've told various people that I now have a blog. While most of my friends in other states know what a blog is a few people do not. So if you've come to this blog and you are still scratching your head saying I don't get it, I suggest you do two things frist off go up to the left coner and click on the blog sign this will take you to the blog home page and you can read what blog has to say about blogging. Then you can come back here and go to the right hand corner where it says "next blog" and it will give you some random blogs to view. Some are very cool, some are in french and spanish, some are just odd. You can also run a search on blog, so go on up there and type in Kerry or stem cell reaserch or any of your other favorite subjects and see what others have to say on the subject. All in all blogging and other sites like it are about free speech and free press. Basicly I get to write and say what I like, how I like it, and it gets published here in blog land. Heck I can now do a google search on my name "achromic" and find this blog. Pretty darn cool. As usual tho' I suggest believing what you read at your own risk, just because people say it is so doesn't mean that it is.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

What I did today

Today I joined a very pretigous group of people. A club of people that I've always admired and wanted to belong to. The don't care what religion I am, or how much money I make. They do care what race I am, but in a differnt way then most, all they really wanted was my blood. What club is this? It is the NMDT (National Marrow Doner Program). It was pretty darn easy to get in too. I had to fill out some stuff and then they pricked my finger with needle and doted my blood across a paper. This will give them enough of my gentic material to see if I match anyone and I stay in the data base until I'm 61. They might ask for marrow or PBSC (some kind of blood stem cell). If I match someone I could save someone's life. Very cool. What is even cooler is that my workplace made it easy to do by setting up a place and time to do it and I got to do with a friend, and anything that you can do with a friend is that much better. Life is very good today. Peace out.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

The Scale

I bought my first scale when I began to diet for the gastric bypass surgery. Prior to that I never owned one because it was just to depressing to watch my wieght go up and up. Today I use my scale to moniter my wieght loss. Not as a good thing but as a sign of danger. Much like a dibetic will test their blood suger several times a day, I get on the scale to see if I'm dangerously low. Lose to much weight between 9 am and 6pm and I know I've not been drinking enough water. See my body no longer tells me when I'm thirsty, twice I've been in hosipital with side effects of sever dehydration. Nice, not. I can within a day lose up to 12lbs. , I assume that is atleast 6lbs of water. How do I come to this conclusion? It's easy I drink water the wieght comes back. This method of moniter my water intake has done wonders, no more kidney infection, or strange pains aching from inside. It also helps with fatigue and headaches although they never completly go away. Of course it also means that I pee......... all the time, expecially at night when I relieze that I haven't drank enough water durning the day and spend the rest of night drink water until I'm full waiting until I'm not full then drinking again. So you can see that the scale has become a very useful thing, but it is also a scary thing. I get on with some trepation, I'm no longer happy to see the scale going down, not just for the water thing which is bad enough, but also because there is this thought inside my head that I'm just wasting away. How do I judge real wieght loss with water weight loss, well, if I weight myself 3 days in a row and the wieght loss stays then it is a "real" loss. If it stays over the next week then so far it is a perment loss. Weight comes off in chunks, I never lose a pound it always comes off in 5 or 6lbs chunks. I don't know where it goes. I don't understand fat cells well enough, but if some kid was gonna ask me I'd say it vaperizes into air, via my farts. Because one of the worse side effects is my terrible awful farts. Yep I smell like some posinious sulfer pit of doom. Not all the time. But when it starts, man they smell bad even to me.
well gotta go folk smelly farts and all.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Before and After Pictures

This first one is about a month or so before surgery. I was about 324 lbs. Yes, that is my hubby right behind the fat girl!

This second one is about six months or so out. I'm about 210-200 here. My hair started falling out, which isn't unusual. I had to stay inside all summer because of complications and risk of infection, so I'm pretty white. (Well, I'm always white, but I'm reallllly white here.)

This one is ten months out. I'm at about 160-150 here, in a size 12. Fortunately, here is where I stopped losing weight so fast. I cut my hair short and it stopped falling out.

And I'm at 126 in this one.

What I've learned along the way

It's always nice to remember some of the lessons you've learned. They are so easliy forgotten and then you have to relearn them, and I hate that because life lessons hurt like hell. As I've become this new person I still want to carry at least some of my old lessons with me, although I could live without some of the side effects.

1. Dieing hurts. I don't want to die. I use to want to all the time. I hurt so much in life that I didn't want to be here anymore. I've attempted sucide in very serious ways. I've come to the conclusion that the pain of actually dieing hurts far to much. Not breathing is painful in every single cell of your body. It was probably this relization that spured me to get out of some of the very painful things that made me want to die. I feel very fortunate to have been given the gift of being able to get out at all, over the past 9 yrs I've lost 3 friends to sucide/drug overdose. I miss them all very much.

2. Love doesn't hurt. People who love you do not play games , lie, hit, yell, or do other pyschotic things. You might call it lust, passion, maschotsim, but it's not love. Love makes living good no matter how bad it is. I know, my husband and I have been homeless, jobless, scared to death, but love made it seem easier in comparson to the hell I lived thru' with others. No matter how bad our problems are, and sometimes they are pretty bad, we trust each other, we don't hurt each other, and we treat each other with respect. Love doesn't mean loveing someone no matter what, it means never being asked to love someone no matter what.

3. I'm often more wrong then right. Yea............ I'm still having to get that one on a daliy baises but I always have my friends on the internet more the willing to argue a diffrent view point. I've learned that I have to back up my points, do my reasearch, and watch my assumptions. There are things that I've always assumed was the truth as told to me in school, church, grandparents, friends, but thanks to the internet I've been learning how wrong I am.

4. Age has nothing to do with friendship. Good people are good people. I've met kids as young as 9 who were better at being friends then those my own age. (not that I make a habit of hanging out with 9yr olds). I've found people in their late 50's who have more of a life then I do and don't mind hanging out with younger folks.

Well that's all the lessons I can think of today. That should be good to focus on for the night. Peace.

A diffrent me

I've decided to start another blog because the old one didn't fit anymore. Well not much in my life does fit any more. I had a gastric bypass operation and 186lbs got up and walked away. I didn't excerise, I didn't stick to their diet (well I did at first but soon learned that your body tells you what to eat and not to and if you don't listen you get pretty sick), I have gone from a size 28 to a size 4. Nothing is the same. The worlds view of me has changed me. Almost dieing because of complications of the surgery has changed me. Being forced to do very hard drugs because of almost dieing and then not doing them when I didn't need them anymore changed me.

So a 20 things about me:

1. I'm married. My husband married me when I was 250lbs. He likes big women so the change has been hard. He is getting to enjoy it now as some of the ummmmm positions that I can get into seem to be rather impressive.
2. We have been married for 7yrs in May.
3. We have been together for 9yrs on Thankgiving.
4. We slept together before our first date.
5. I'm still in love with him
6. I'm 33 but will this month turn 34. My husband had to tell me this because I can't keep anything to do with time straight.
7. I only have a High School Ed. but I work for a fortunte 500 co. and no I'm not the jantior.
8. My husband only has a High School Ed. too but is now back in school to get a law degree.
9. On my way up the ladder there were days when I stood on my feet lifting heavy objects in a room with temp was over 90 for atleast 12 hrs and did not get paid over time. The skin on my feet began to peel, crack, bleed, and hurt so bad that I would cry but I kept come back.
10. I still make under 50k a year and probably will con't to for most of my working life unless I go back to school. But I don't stand in hot rooms for 12hrs anymore so I'm happy.
11. I still hate school. I'm dislexic and I like to use that as an excuse for not going back.
12. We decided not to have kids.
13. I think I'm sad about that.
14. I'm scared to cross the street on foot. I was hit by a car when I was 15 and I just never got ok with it.
15. I'm also scared of bugs, but they've never really done anything to me.
16. My biggest secret dream is to walk into a store (any store even walgreens or Autozone) and buy what I like without having to check how much it cost.
17. I believe in G*D.I don't believe in Jesus, or any other religious stuff. But I find the tradition surrounding religion fasinating . I like talking to religious and spritual leaders even when I strongly disagree with them or their followers.
18. I'm born in CA. but lived in MO. for much of my teen life. I have traveled to Israel and lived in NJ and PA. I'm currently back in CA. My accent is a mishmash of the places I've lived. I do the warsh and go to Warshington, I also walk on the seament and drive thru' the frog. It can be either ya'll or yous and it is both soda and pop but never coke.
19. I beleive in loyalty above all else except for morality. I learned this the hard way.
20. If I could change one thing about me I would be a better speller.

I can't get the spell check to work, and I don't know how to post pictures although I've tried before. I'd like to make a blog roll and have lots of tibits about myself here in blog land but I'm not sure how to do that either. Maybe I will figure it out by the time ya'll are reading this.
So that's it for today folks. Be good to yourself.