Friday, February 24, 2006

OK listen up this little girl is SICK and it isn't me

and she needs MONEY and I donna go around asking for money for ....... well ANYTHING but this little girl's insurance reached it's cap and she NEEDS the cash to get the next round of stuff. This could happen to ANY of us who live in the USA. BECAUSE our health care SUCKS ASS. It could be me soon (tho' not for the same things thank goodness just the no money for treatment thing). SO go here: Annika
and give alittle bit to a little girl that doesn't know anything about politics or why things are the way they are.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I had a dream too

Well it seems to be the blog theme I suppose due to the MLK and black history month. BUT I DID HAVE A DREAM maybe NOT on the scope of such a great leader of people who was kind to people who deserved no kindness, no forgiveness........ no I am afraid that I get young Malcom X's anger far far easier then I do MLK's vision........ so forgive me if my dream is not on his level (or don't forgive me I probably don't care).

I had a dream that one day I would NOT be judged on what I look like but on how I took care of myself. That being fat would not give people the right to be mean and look down on me. I ALWAYS acted as if you and everyone else accepted me as a good wonderful person because I thought I was even tho' I was fat too. I had a dream that I could have an operation that would improve my health........ it occured to me that more people would accept me and find me attractive and I thought it would be nice......... but it NEVER occured to me that people who knew me as a fat person and DIDN'T like me would suddenly think they could and should hit on me and look at me as tho' I would now suddenly SLEEP with them. That my bosses would SUDDENLY think that I could do a better job when because of the pain and limitations that I have I actually do a WORSE job if I do ANY job at all. I thought being fat just met that I had a harder time walking up stairs and that I was at a far greater risk of dibeties, heart attacks, sleep apena and all. I ALWAYS had a date and even found the best husband ever........ it never occured to me that my wieght prevented me from having a good time and having good friends........ but apperntly it did to many. BECAUSE NOW that I am thin...... and yes I am very thin suddenly I am asked things like "oh I know you are in so much pain and you almost died more then once and you have ALL sorts of health problems but it is worth it, right?" with the under tones of now you are one of us. AND IT IS LIKE if there was some major fucking operation that made a black person white (no Michel Jacksons weird morphing thing doesn't count)................. would you ask them if it was better because NOW they can go into stores and be treated like a person??? WOULDN'T you just want the STORES that treated them bad to change??? but no....... being FAT is all on you so it is OK to treat FAT people a certian way and ASSUME that they can't get a date or that they are no fun to be with and that it is WORTH IT to risk your life and all that you know so you can be treated right. No one tells a black person to be less black........ you don't put them on diets to make them less black......... that would be stupid......... well it is STUPID to assume that fat person hasn't tried a million things just to improve their quailty of life and they don't NEED you to tell them how to eat or whisper behind their back or ASSUME that they can't or don't have SEX and LOVE and JOY. AND MAYBE there are things FAR more important then a LONG life....... I know that isn't the AMERICAN dream........ because we all are suppose to want to be fit and live FOREVER and that is the "RIGHT" life. BUT I DO have a dream that one day people will be more concerned about WHO I am and how HAPPY my life is rather then what I wiegh and if I am gonna live forever. I dream that we treat ALL people no matter what they look like or what their disablities are as people who don't want to be made fun of or denied good service. I want us to stop trying to make people fit into little boxes of perfection.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Mom called and said to write something

Ok I am in these classes so far it is about 8 of us. I hate two of them with every ounce of my being because they do their best to prevent the instructer from imparting information I WANT!!

The allergic reaction that made me irritable and itch and stuff seems to be ending. I am very eaaaaaasy....... as I am high as a kite. BUT not in pain and not a bitch. J. says I am less anxious and fearful. Ok I have to go love you all.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

I have been sick again....

I became allergic to some of the meds that they gave me.... and it was it caused some psychological stuff to happen...... it is so funny because I remember when I started on this stuff that I was worried about that..... but then when it started causeing all the things I was afraid of it causeing I didn't remember. So I am getting off of that...... and I don't have too much to say because I am.... still inbetween and can't really figure out what I feel and what is being over sentivtive because of the drug reaction. I am so forgetful....... I couldn't remember how old I was or what year it was earlier in the day. I knew that I SHOULD know....... but I just couldn't place it. Like with my disleixica I could think of sevreal right answers and reasons that they could all be right and yet I knew that only one was. I am still trying to remember the name of the cat that is in the box and you donno if the cat is alive or not until you open the box and this begins a whole set of pholiphical thinking that some sci-fi writers use to explain alt. realities and/or time/space travel. I feel very fuzzy and tired still... and nasuated. BUT very relived that there is a medical reason for my "fradgeliness". No wonder I couldn't be friendly with anyone. Well...... well so I am not gonna say anymore just yet. I will write more sonn.