Saturday, February 26, 2005

Time out

I'm in a time out. So if you aren't hearing from me it's because this is what I need to do.

So humming in the corner or on the stairs or where ever your time outs are spent... there be me:


Thin and stripped
bleach bone dry
Cut from the center to the thigh
Blue skinned fingers
Crusty eyes
Yellow lips and bloodless sighs

Whispered raven screams
Breaking thru' the endless plea's
Where in all of heaven's needs
Is the damn morphine?

and for laughs

A thief came to visit today
rummaging for my leftover chicken wings

Oh he created such a mess!

My masked thief...
What a pest

and my darker side

My love if you were taken from me
I would not eat I would not rest
Standing on the ground
Where the wind stole your dust
I would not shiver in the cold
Nor drink from the rain
But let the sun and time
Chew me in their rabid jaw

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

I said no....

So I talked to my doctor today and she wanted me to go ahead and do some test which they would shot me up with a dye and take pic's of my insides. I called to make the appointment and they wanted me to take this stuff that "cleans" you out. All the sudden I remember the last time they had me do this........ it was bad.......... it was very very very bad. Because they don't take in account that you have a very small stomach and a very small intestene and that you are prone to becoming dehydrated anyways. I said to the lady.......umm do you have a differnt way of treating people who have had WLS? Do you give them less of the meds? The answer was a resounding no. I said to her the last time you gave this stuff to me I ended up in the ER the next day because I couldn't hold anything down and it had dried up all my reserves.......... she didn't care. I said the last time not only did you get me into the ER but then when it came time to do the test you couldn't find my viens because I was so dehydrated and you decided to do a diffrent test..... so you made me sick for no reason........ She still didn't care. I said I rather die then take this test I'm refuseing care. Snottly she said she was calling my doctor. FINE go ahead. BITCH. I'll keep my appt with the urilogist........ fine......... But I'll be damned if they are gonna give me that stupid test.

Back and sooo much better

Well nothing like a little bit of sunshine and being fawned over by the cabana boys to make you feel like life is maybe not so bad. We went to a little place called Haltuco (sp?) which apparently is where the rich Mexicans go vacationing so it was a totally different seance then the usually tourist spots. For one thing no one treated you like a spoilt princess more like "hey this could be a nice person" which I like, because being treated like a spoilt princess really creeps me out. It also met the food was very authentic and that was much much more of a problem. Like they kept wanting to put dried bugs in my food............. I really try and be open minded I do, really, but I'm a totally bug phobic and that totally was just not good. Infact most of the food, even the sweet stuff, was not much to my liking. But the coffee............ OMG the coffee, it was like the very very very very best. With this cream that was just heaven. It was very hot and humid there. Like NJ in the middle of summer.... the only thing was because we were at the beach the breeze was almost constant. And the BEACH!!! Wow this beach gets a 5 star rating. The water was warm, clear and had sandy gold flecks in it. It was pretty much only accessible to the people of the resort so there were hardly any people on it. The sand was the soft fluffy kind not that hard coral type stuff that some beaches have. The only thing that was a real bummer is that whatever was blooming I was totally allergic to it and had to get some of the strong meds that make you drowsy meds just so that my eyes didn't swell right out of my head. So I was mostly stoned the whole time.... Oh well it was Mexico I'm sure no one noticed that I was any dumber than any other American they had run across. I got 4 new poems written only two of which I think are good but I'll probably try and work on them and let you guys see them soon. The other thing which is a bummer but I won't dwell to long on it was that as we were leaving I got bump from behind and my knee went right into the plastic part of the airplane seat at a twist and full weight. I refuse to believe that anything is so wrong that a few more days of R & R won't fix. Kidneys are doing fine.......I think......... I'm waiting to see if the doctor thinks that I should cont'd testing now that my pee is clear, I sort of think I should but... you know being poked at isn't fun at all.

On a side note. My purple hair drew a lot of comments. I guess being out of SF has it's consquenses. Some people liked it, more didn't. It gave me some perceptive of being treated different but of course with hair you have a choice............

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

WOW can you believe the new look in here?

Thank you so much Shylah! It looks wonderful and there are even photos of me off to the side. Of course because I haven't had the patience to actually sit down and try and learn all the stuff that she has to teach me, I still don't know how to do all the coolest stuff.

SO most of you know the bad stuff which is there is blood, lots of blood in my urine. They are sure that it is not an infection. They think it is my kidneys.

I'm in denial and going to Mexico tomorrow. The doctor says that there isn't much they could do before I'll be back anyways.
I'm sorry if I'm not on-line much I just feel very tired. Peace and love.