Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I like vampires (the new pick up line)

So one of my dearest friends out here in CA got me a gift cert. for B & N (Barnes and Noble). So today I got to get to the b & N store and I figure J. can go over to Tower which is right next door. First things is first when I get to the bookstore I look up the sex section because now that (oh nevermind I just gotta get somethin') :) so I get that book first. Then I go up to the sci-fi section of the store, and everyone knows I'm not shy so the book is like sitting there out in the open and all. So this kid, I mean he has to be only 19 although he is Asian and it can be hard for me to judge his age, starts asking me about books. Books that have to do with movies, and being the sci-fi freak that I am I just start talking away. Then he says "I really like vampires, you know like interview with a vampire" and then looks at the book I'm holding...... (the book I was holding did not have anything to do with vampires or Ann Rice) . Suddenly I get the picture, and I say in my kindest voice " oh is this for a book report? because it's probably better to steer clear of vampires if you're doing a report for school" I swear I can see the boys penis begin to shrivel I then say nicely as possible " My husband ought to be here soon, what did you say your name was..." I was not trying to be mean, I really hope I didn't hurt his feelings too much but OMG, did he really think that was gonna get him somewhere? I pointed out the newest vampire series that I was aware of, picked out my Kim Stanley book and then my DH arrived on cue, and the kid had disappeared into the myst. I think I'm flattered, I mean it was weird but the kid didn't have pimples and was actually sort of cute if your into jail bait (god I hope he was legal otherwise I'm gonna hurl).

Sunday, December 26, 2004

one thing gets fixed and more about purple hair

Well at the very least we are not preg. I didn't really think that we were but when someone's luck is running weird in the house you just get to feeling like anything could happen. And hey we are doing a heck of a lot better then the people in Indonesia. BTW can you believe that? I mean woosh that could soooo happen here in CA, and it didn't. While I feel very sorry for all those people I'm very very grateful that I'm not in the middle of it. In poor taste, the history channel put out the signs of Armmagedon tonight, uh, just thinking that this was not the time to be getting the end of the world people all excited, right after like a huge earthquake that killed tons and tons of people.

Ok on to happier subjects, I dyed my hair again because you have to keep it up because it fades pretty fast. So here are some cool things I've learned about having purple hair:

1) Do it in the kitchen sink. This is a much smaller area to scrub clean which you will want to do while your hair is still wet right after rinsing. I use scrubbing bubbles (not the most environmentally friendly product) because it works.
2) Use gloves to apply don't bother with combing it thru' unless you have super long hair, on the other hand I don't suggest doing this with long hair.
3) Do put the oil over entire hair line. It won't prevent you from turning purple but it will come off faster. (like by the next day)

4) Do NOT expect that seeing is believing. Everyone will need you to tell them what they are seeing. Example:
Them" "OMG what did you do to your hair?!"
Me: "I dyed it purple"
Them: "And you cut it?"

Me: "Uh actually the lady cut my hair....."

Them: "but you dyed it?"

Me: "Yea"

Them: "On purpose?"

Me: "yep. purple dye and all"

Them: "I.... I like how you had it cut........"

5) For those of us Gastric bypass people it will be a relief because everyone will finally be talking about your hair and not about your diet or about how much weight you lost.

6) No matter how much you dress business causal, you are suddenly creative, even if you have not a single creative bone in your body.

7) You will smell like purple grape gum.

8) Don't sleep on the white pillow cases

9) Your cats will still love you and your hubby will get over it.

10) That girl that lost all that weight.... now becomes that girl with the purple hair.

That's all folks!

Friday, December 24, 2004

some people real piss karma off

If things were not bad enough for J., my hubby, he also lost his bank card and his cell phone has mysterly died. I think he'd better figure out which goddess he pissed off and do something about it fast. As it is I told him to stay away from the lotto and any appliances. I'm considering banning him from the computer. Oh and did I say? I'm late. Probaby nothing, he's been fixed, but with the way his luck is I'm thinking I need to get to the store.... of course I don't have a car because someone had to work..... and he has no car..... Ever live with someone that has pissed off a goddess?

Oh and can I say that now that I have blogging spellcheck running it truely sucks eggs. How does the probably get you prefab with no other choices? or mysterly get you nothing close...... and of course I met to laminate in plastic.... of course because plastic is sooooo cool...(just watched mean girls last night, if you haven't seen it go now and get it)

Then the car got stolen

So amongst other troubles J went out to do the laundry and his car was gone. Now when I left at 9:45 am it was sitting in front of our house. It happened on a somewhat sleepy peaceful lower middle class 'hood with an elemetry school on one side. Now I say J's car but it was mine, I mean they all have been mine in the sense that I paid for them. When it comes to J's cars we go cheap. So the person that stole this car if they are caught (not likely) is gonna go to jail for less then 1k worth of goods. If it is their 3 strike, out here that means a long long ass time in prison for less then 1k worth of goods. J feels violated and pissed off. I feel somewhat philosophical about the entire thing. See I know what it is like to be so poor and desperate that you can't even comprehend how stealing is bad. While I never stole cars I have most certainly gotten into cars that I knew were stolen. I thought back then, well if someone can afford a car to begin with they can do ok without this car. (I don't claim that my younger self was all that bright) It is hard to think how your actions may harm another person when your every day exsitance is how am I gonna eat, where am I gonna sleep, and what price am I gonna pay for those things. You don't even think of things like being safe because you never are. And one of the consquenses of that life is that I still never feel safe. So when the car got stolen it didn't feel like a volition to me, it just felt like something that happens, like a tornado or an earthquake. No sense in laminating why it happened it just did. But I'm living with someone who doesn't feel like I do right now.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Seasons of change

I'm going through another bad winter. I can only hope that it will be brief and passing. I can only hold on to self until the storm blows thru' and I see what new landscape appears. I will not make any life altering decision while inside the storm. The storm may change everything but it will not change my inner true self. The wind will blow and I will bend. Fear is the mind killer, not the storm.

Monday, December 20, 2004

The quiz

Three names you go by:
Hey you
That girl

Three screennames you have:
Johaspts (only I can't spell right)

Three things you like about yourself:
My new purple hair
My ability to get what I want to do done
My eyes

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
My voice, I've always had complaints about it I'm sick of it
My spelling
My temper

Three parts of your heritage:

Three things that scare you:
The people on the road
The government (all of the government both sides)
Crossing the street alone

Three of your everyday essential:
Water and lots of it ( I get dehydrated to easy these days)
Cloths (I'm cold like all the time)
And love from my family (cats, hubby)

Three things you are wearing right now:
Yellow shirt
Olive green pants

Three of your favorite bands/artists at the moment:
Hummm that's hard
Tracy Chapman
O'keef (painter but I can't spell remember)

Three of your favorite songs at present:
I don't know the names, I'm bad with that stuff

Three things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Getting out of debt
Running in the bay to breakers in may

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):

Two truths and a lie:
I have lots of money and I love to give it to people
My bathroom is a weird shape
I want my own house something fierce

Three physical things about the opposite (or same) that appeals to you:
What does this mean? I don't get this question.

Three things you just can't do:
Walk thru' walls
Move things with my mind
accurately predict the stock market

Three of your favorite hobbies:
Getting into trouble (which I haven't done in a long time)
Smoking (which I haven't done scine Turkey day)

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
Win the Lotto
Go to sleep

Three careers you're considering:
Planphthropist (yea like spell check is even gonna try that one)
Business owner

Three places you want to go on vacation:
I want to go every where even those places that no one wants to go

Three kids names:

Zachary, Tess, Val

Three things you want to do before you die:
Walk into a store and be able to buy what I want without looking at how much it cost
Make a difference or at least be part of making a difference
Have one of my songs be bought and played on the radio

Three people who have to take this quiz now or die a slow orgasmic death:
Di if she's reading, Milenka if she wants to because I'm just getting to know her and I love her site, And you, who ever you are that is reading this.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Purple hair

Sooo I did it! I've been swearing to for years, but the chains of our society and a need to make money prevented me. Today I finally said fuck it and did it anyways. I suppose I could say it is a driving need for attention or a way of fighting the fact that I'm 34 or even a way of distqushing myself from my much more conservative colleagues. But really who cares?

It came out darker then I supposed it would. I was hoping for a nice almost effervescence purple and got blackish with some purple highlights. The reddish tones that the bleaching out my hair made look pretty good in the background. I'm very pleased with it. A piece of me is shining out and I'm happy about that.

Is there a doctor in this Hospital?

I have a hernia, a large unfriendly one. It is what they call an incisional hernia because it is caused by the tear they made in my stomach wall to do the gastric bypass. I didn't do anything to make it happen, I woke up and it was there. Suddenly once again I'm thrown into the bueacracy of our health care system. I'm confused and scared. Things went so wrong with the gastric bypass, how do I know it won't happen again?

I'm actually jealousy of my friend who is preg. NOT because she is gonna have a baby (which is cool) but because of the medical care she is getting. She has 3 people trained in caring for her that aren't even doctors. She can ask them any questions and they try to make sure that she understands the answer. She has people who will talk to her about the choices and then if she needs to go to the hospital will advocate those wishes to the hospital staff. I have two sergeants who a)insist that the gastric bypass was a success because I've lost sooo much weight, totally ignoring and dismissing the complications that came up and perhaps some of the lasting psychological damage b)want to perform a surgery that isn't covered by my health plan but negleted to tell me that until a couple of days ago c) wanted to perform said surgery in a different unfamiliar hospital d) said the worst words to me because they are the same words they said the last time "your the perfect candidate". I'm trying very hard to remember that sergeants are not very good at people skills and that I don't require that of them. But even the nurses of the one guy was scary "you coming here now?" she demands " where you at?" "you here now!" (she was friendlier in person where her demands came with a smile)

I'm wishing that we kept healers on staff. People who would sit with you and advocate for your care. Who would explain what the doctor said in simple terms and explain to the doctor your problems in a way that they understood. I think that if this process of getting what has been told to me is a needed surgery is confusing how much worse it must be to the elderly and the people with no insurance at all. When I asked if I had to have the surgery the doctors answers were confusing.....yes and no, I could live with it for some time but it might twist and it would be better to but no I didn't have to. When what I met to ask was, is there any way to treat this without surgery (there is not in one this size), which a healer would have known that and understood what I was asking.

Doctors are specialized technician, and we need them. But I'm beginning to think that at least part of the symptom of what is wrong here in the USA is at the hospitals in our country. When I say I want a doctor what I really want is a healer. I don't care so much about what degree you have, as much as I care that you figured out that I wouldn't be here unless I was scared out of my mind and sick as a dog. Then I want you to help me find that degreed person that can best help me and then make sure they do so. I think it is why people turn to alternative health pratcioners because these people make them feel cared for, and the good ones will send you to the doctor when you need it. The last time I was in the hospital for dehydration related problems, they doped me up which was fine I hurt, but then the nurse came in to give me more, and I said "no I think I'm ok" and she didn't believe me so she gave me more, while I think she had the very very best intentions it wasn't what I wanted and I was too high to be able to protect my interests and my spouse was to worried to do anything. I know I need better care, but it seems as tho' it is something that we all need.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Soldiers of nothing

The past week some friends and I have been discussing the soldiers coming home here:
Just scroll down a bit, if I could I'd link proper like but I'm still learning these things.

I'm pretty darn harsh in my judgment because these are volunteers. However my harshness in words does not mean that I believe in harsh action. I do not mean for people to disrespect these people who are only doing the best that they can to be hero's. Who in my opinion are being used wrongly by an administration that has no business to be in power. As a mater of fact I think far far less of people who support the war and are not volunteering for military. Soliders are so committed to what they believe is the right thing or at the very least following what they think of as their countries orders that they are willing to lay down their life, that commands a great deal of respect from me.

But one of the things that chills me to the bone is as one person pointed out they come back here as an unknown, quite possibly a predator of sorts, certainly a trained survivor. It makes me ill, because we couldn't/didn't handle the 'nam vets so good. We practically ignored the last Iraqi vets, there were not so many of them last time. But now we are looking at handling vets in the same no. that we did in WW II. Maybe. If we are not lucky..... or maybe if we are. And I just think even if we get out of this war, if we figure this out, my generation has to figure out how to help these kids out. Us 30 somethings that are not in the war, have never been to war, have to somehow fix what the generation of our parents has done to the youngest that is of age to go to war.

Another point that was made is how poverty makes those of us who survive it similar to soldiers. I guess it is so. The last consoler I saw said that I had symptoms of PTS, and I know she is right. When I talk about my past I put it in terms of war. Still I'm aware that it is not quiet the same. I'm also aware that we were American poor which is not the same as say Ethiopia poor. Yet, yet, I can't quiet get over the feeling, and in talking to others who were at the same economical level as I was they seem to feel the same, that some how we were soldiers. That somehow there was a battle being fought and that friends died in that battle that we loved and that not enough was done by our government. I donno what we were fighting, I don't remember any air raids, I do remember lots of guns and other weapons, I mean the drive by gang shootings started in my teenhood (I think the mob actually invented form of payback but the gangs always knew how to reinvent a "good" idea). I know the theater a few blocks down got blown up, but I think everyone was pretty sure that was an insurance scam rather then anything like terrorism. I know my own mother was afraid of me, and afraid for me. Perhaps everyone that carries a weapon day in and day out becomes a soldier of sorts and maybe all wars make different soldiers. Cold wars make soldiers of nothing. Now if we can just figure out how that can help these new soldiers of Iraq, and make sure that they are not just put out there to become predators or children of neglect, then perhaps we can stop this cycle.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

My life as the Messiah (only because the virgin thing wouldn't work)

This is blogging for book entry. Go here if you want to know more about it: http://www.thezeroboss.com/archives/003548.html

Being the Modern Messiah is not easy. First of all no one gives a damn. "Give me miracles" they say but how many miracles do they want? I remember my first miracle well. My grandfather looked at his garden and said "Boy we sure could use some rain." So I prayed for rain and low and behold a few days later rain came. I knew right then that G*d and I had special connection. I would find that connection when standing at the line to get food stamps and would pray "G*d let me get to actually talk to someone today" and low and behold I would. It has also been helpful at the DMV when I would pray " G*D don't let that sick frustrated bastard take out an AK47 out and blow us all away" and sure enough G*d's hand would come down and we would all be safe. It is less helpful on the highways here in the USA. I'm pretty sure Satan has a lock on them because every single time I'm on the highway some demon is trying to kill me. That is right and fitting because of course Satan would be afraid me, it is even said that hell hath no fury like a scorned woman, but trust me a woman does not have to be scorned to make anyone's life hell.

Now my beginnings are not the same as what most people might think that a messiah needs. It's true my mother was not a virgin when she had me, but seriously it was the '60 and it was Haight Ashbury so it was really just a miracle that she decided to have me in a hospital. She doesn't remember any shepherds or any big lights in the sky over SF, but you know she doesn't seem to remember a heck of a lot from that time. I do recall her mentioning lots of incense, marijuana and several guys with "alternative lifestyles". To tell you the truth I think the guys and the marijuana were probably a heck of a lot more fun then myrrh and some foreign kings. Not only that but by having a much less auspices birth I didn't have some king trying kill all the children born in the same year as me, which I think is a plus.

I did visit the desert but I didn't do the 40 days and 40 nights there, however, I did spend a little over 2 yrs in New Jersey and I think that should count. The devil's had a long time to work out on the east coast and it is filled with the number one sign of satan's work...... Bureaucracy. Never in my life have I seen so many people who wanted to tangle up anyone trying have fun. They have strip clubs, more then I've ever seen, but don't get in a car with a black man because you're gonna go to jail. Naked is good, but apparently accepting a ride from an African American is evil according the law in New Jersey. Another sure sign of the devil is that all signs in New Jersey are not the signs that you are suppose to follow. Ever try and get out of AC following the signs to the highway? Leads you right into the part of the woods where the New Jersey devil is suppose to live.

I don't have 13 disciples but my mom has about that many cats, they aren't as helpful as 13 disciples would be and I think they cost a bit more, but on the other hand none of them are gonna betray me to the Romans (aka Homeland security). Life on a whole is pretty good when G*d is on your side and I pretty much like being a messiah, but then again don't we all?

Sunday, December 05, 2004

But smoking takes the voices away...

Holy crap, I always knew I wasn't quite as crazy as the rest of my family memebers. But who knew that it might be because I took up smoking at a young age. Yep nicotene apparently targets receptors linked to schizophrenia. They think (according to Newsweek) that people may be self medicating by smoking. (hummm seems like I heard this same story about alcoholics treating everything from depression to maina by drinking) So while at 13 I looked like I was headed for a long life at the nearest psych hospital by the time I was 16-17 and smoking a pack a day I looked like I just might be ok. So maybe we need to relook at things like letting rehabs, mental wards, and prisions smoking policy or maybe we just need to put everyone on the patch. Maybe I need to be on the patch (I'm currantly not smoking) hummm or maybe the research is just funded by the people making the patch?

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Pro War..........

Ok I'm not getting this, excatly how does some one decide that they are "pro war"? I get why the pro force brith people call themselves pro life.... I mean you got to put a postive spin on forcing people to be baby factorys against their will and force poverty on even greater no. of people. BUT seriously pro war? Do you wake up one day and say to yourself "yep those 4 horsemen sound pretty cool I think I'll take war" does someone else get to be pro famine? Are these the same people who think that the Apocalypse is a good idea? " Yep Margie I think it's time for an Apocolypse lets get those 4 horsemen up and going and could you tell Gab to blow his horn?" How can we expect the rest of the world to see us as sane if we are acting like mentally ill children? If we are acting as if war is a good thing?

Am I the only one?

I do my fair share of listening to talk radio. I listen to it all, from Howard Stern to Rush, heck I've even begun to listen to this little station out here that is left of the left. I like to hear people's opinions. Just not in the morning. I'm not a morning person by nature and I get my news from the TV before I leave the house (I'm parnoid about it sence 9/11 when I didn't know what was going on until my hubby called to tell me he was ok). SO I don't need the weather, the traffic update, and 15 min. of comericals by EVERY single station on the hr, 10 past the hr, and on the half hr. In the morning I need the energy of the music, I need to hear Kurt talk about the corp. fucking me up the ass and Emimen bitch wife and dream with Led about wandering in some forsaken land. I need this little last peice of non reality before I put on the diffrent me, the one that goes in and does everything and anything. I can't possible be the only one who needs this?