Saturday, November 25, 2006

11 yrs for my hubby and I

Oh our wedding anniversy is sometime in the spring. But we met on Thanksgiving really when he asked me out of the blue to help feed all the people who couldn't go home for thanksgiving ...... and I just never left. I thought about it a million times because quite honsetly I am not the type of girl that is good for anyone in the long run, but J. eased my mind and made it easy to stay. I am with the best person I could possible be with. I am so happy to know him.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A new post WHOA.....

I know I know I have not posted in a while. But my life was really pretty boring while I worked on the "inner" me. The doctors are now calling it adjustment disorder with depression cuz I simply refuse to accept the condition I am in. Actually tho my conditioin has been steadly improving. Which I got to see in full force yesterday as I went WILD and CRAZY by accepting another bloggers invitation to go to Costco. Let me just say right now L from Homesick Home
is so nice that if you ever get invited to go anywhere where she is you should get your boots on and go. Her lil boy was with us....... can I just say this kid was SO cute and good! OMG he was SO good. For me it was the first time out with someone not my family in....... ummmm........ a year? More? Me who use to be so madly independant can barely go to the store, but yesterday I did and it was good. I just need to keep doing this kind of stuff I have stayed hidden for too long and it isn't doing me or my family any good.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Pain and suffering

I have been going to a class........ because I am feeling pretty bad.......... to learn how to not feel so bad. It is hard cuz really my life feels REALLY hard right now. I am still in pain. I am still on heavy pain medication........ I have no reason to belive that the pain will ever go away. No one is saying that to me anymore. Excpet for J. and my mom...... One of the things I learned or was told today that I am pondering quite hard. Is that I AM in pain but that I choose to suffer. In other words I say things in my head about that pain (i.e. it is my fault, I deserve this, if only, etc.) that cause me to suffer. In other words I take a bad sitution and make it worse. I am still thinking about that ........ I know I have been guilty of doing that at many many times in my life but am I doing that NOW. In other words am I limiting myself from feeling ANYTHING good because I want to suffer? or I don't know how to be without suffering? Yes. Yes I am. And it isn't working out so good. It really works like crap. I am not gonna spend time wondering why I do this to myself...... I need to change first, why's we can figure out later. I am not sure how to stop just yet, I don't know how to make the physcial part of me not effect the emtional part of me. But I think there is good reasons to try. I have a good family and a wonderful life........ it would be nice to enjoy both sometime soon.

Monday, September 04, 2006

I am talking to your kids and so is everyone else

I play a game on line called World of Warcraft. It is like a big Dungeons and dragons game only the charaters are diffrent if that helps you imagine it a bit. In this game I am talking to people all over the world. (that is SO cool) They are talking to me. We group together to go adventuring together in this game, and we have ways of talking to each other. This game has lots of...... very pretty charaters on it..... that you make and control they are you and you can do lots of things with them (not have sex you cannot do that). BUT it is clear to me that this is a pretty adult type game young adult sure but adult. So what are your kids doing there!!??! Your kids.....asking me stuff like how to get the girl they like to look at them? and what they should do about their sucidal friend?? and if they are coming to me who sits there and says listen I am an old lady at 36 go play with the ppl your own age.... what do you THINK people who like kids the wrong way are doing??? Why are your kids on there for 10-15hrs at a time?? WHY?? I can't protect them this game is huge thousands of people at least are on it with 20+ server and that is just the USA servers. And yes I try and tell them to go to their parents but still....... usually they just move on to the next person and ask them .... I don't know where the parents are..... I wish it was just one kid..... but it isn't..... I really get mad. Grown up things should be for adults, get your kids on a kid game with a high lvl of moderation. Our moderters are not suffecnet enough to take care of your kids. At 15$ a month what did you expect?!!? come on no one gets paied that little to take care of your kids......

Friday, August 25, 2006

Its a carnival...... so they tell me

Well the whole idea is explained far better here carnival

So what I want you to know............

1) I was gonna do this about my cat but then I decided my cat knows me well enough and can't read so that was pointless and futile and while I DO do futile things I usually don't know they are futile at the time of actually doing them.
2)Ya I know my spelling s**ks to the horrifcation of most of my totally brilliant family I came up with dyslexic and even with great spell check I can't spell right which basically made me hate anything to do with good English. But unfortunately I also crave to communicate my ideas and myself so I do write.
3)I totally don't care what you believe in unless you are trying to make laws that I feel would stop me from being free. Things like stopping me from killing myself, my fetus or smoking pot seem wrong to me not that I am actively pursuing the doing of any of those things at the moment. I just like to know that even if I am the stupidest idiot on the planet I still have the right to my own body and can if I want to do those things.
4)I don't hate America or the human race or little kids. I am child free but that is just how it worked out had nothing to do with disliking children. I actually think us humans are pretty cool animals I would like to see us survive I have cominted most of my adult life to things that are about that actually. America.... I was so ready to leave you when I thought you were ok, but now that I see you as soul sick and sliding down in a pit of apathy and spoilness I find that I cannot leave you ....... some how I want to make it better...... but I am realistic to know that I may just be one wittiness to a great decline.
5)I am ......... not well....... I am not sick...... in pain every day most of the time. I thought I would get better for along long time. I fought tooth and nail to get better......... but now I know it isn't. Whatever is wrong isn't clear enough for the doctors to fix. I do not understand my diagnoses. I donno if I don't understand because they are not clear or because I have become to sick in the head to hear it. I don't even know which one I fear more.
6)I play a game on the computer called world of warcraft. I make many friends outside of my apt. It helps me to not feel alone. But sometimes it keeps me from doing the things I should.
7)I am so proud of my spouse for going back to school and keeping a 4.0 and a 160 LSAT, the law schools were all sending him letters! And now he is there in school with all those big books. But I am also scared....... one day he will see himself as I always have and know he is too good for me.
Ok that is all I got that is me in a flash. Nothing big nothing crazy sorta boring.

Friday, August 18, 2006

He HAS a job interview!!!!!!!!

We cleaned the living room and did a DAMN fine job of it. And then when we were done the phone rang and it was a JOB calling for my hunny!!!!!

Don't know nothing about it yet...... except that the salery will only be a lil bit less then mine was so we can mangage that....... nothing about bennies yet or ANYTHING. It isn't the city court like we had been hoping but ........ it is a JOB!!!!!! His first as a paralegel!!!!!! I am so so excited we have been on pins and needles waiting since June....... he has put in........... something like 15 resumes a week...... since June. Finally someone....... SOMEONE is gonna see how brillent my hunny is when he is in his element.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

mine new favorte place on the web

this guys is an roit! NOT WORK SAFE!!!!!!!!


I got it from a comment on:


Who everyone should be reading cuz she is awsome.

I love the web it is the best thing since we learned to make fire.