This is something I wrote a while back

Stretch my wings in morning light
Brushing up against the measured glass
To see what time has brought
Every age seizes the hour
‘til my crippled hands break

War inside my skin
To flee the waiting for heaven sent
Taste of glory in every breath
Still brings me no peace of mind
Hold me close while I shake the last dose
Into my beating heart

Where are these angels?
For fools they should come
Prayers have never sufficed

Clawing at porcelain G-ds
Laying my head to pink holy tiles
Cool breeze comes with whispers of songs
That bear no memory
Reaching from behind
Love tries to break in
Thru' locks of tears and blood

G-d if I've denied you one too many times
Let your hell have me
Protect this home from my lost grasp
Take care of where I might fall
Keep your angels for those I've left behind
Let all I have taken return to earth
Give your blessing to all I've cursed
Let this heavy head have rest

**Edits done by my FAVORITE editor...... MOM!

And the reason I put something so somber up is to remind myself that things are not as bad as they were that day. We have been talking on some of the prolife sites about sucide and the right to live and die. This always is of interst to me because to me it seems as if you always have the right to die. BUT had it been legel....... if assited sucide was not just something that we talked about for the termianlly ill but for anyone at anytime........ would anyone had bothered to help me in my many depressed states?? Now...... remember I have been in and out of sugery for the past 3 years it is perfectly normal, so I am told, for people to be depressed after sugery. It takes so so so much for your body to heal........ and the deeper and more invaisve the sugery AND the older you are the more it takes and the more likely you are to become depressed. So I don't mind saying I was deeply depressed. I love my spouse........ but when you are depressed it is hard hard hard to love anyone enough to hang on. I was lucky he con't to love this lazy non-working person despite all of the problems........ never getting angry, never saying "how could you", always...... ALWAYS being there. But what if I could have gone to my doctor and said I don't want to live give me enough stuff and let me go to sleep and die??? Worse...... what if after my first set of sugeries they said " You know you didn't handle sugery well, you got deppressed, we think that you should commit sucide rather then have another operation." That is what some of the prolife people are afraid will happen if the assited sucide is thought of as normal and ok. Not right away........ no first would be only those in horrible termainally and painful situtions........ but...... how long does it take to get to a case like mine..... considering how the insurance co. and admistrater have pressured doctors into cutting cost how long before my treatment isn't worth it to them?? It is something that I think about. I am for people's right to choose death.... and even to get the pills and shots to make it more comfortalbe on the way out...... but I worry at what price we the people here would pay for such a freedom.