Monday, November 28, 2005

Much love is given

I will say, that despite my foul mood, and mood swings, I keep getting a lot of love. For instance there is a grp of people that I play an on-line game with.... and they know I am sick because we talk and .... just cuz I needed to share and they were there to listen. Last night we were playing.... and this has happened before..... they decide at 1:30am that I need to go to bed and they refuse to keep playing so that I will log off and go to sleep. They are very nice people.......... they check in all during the day to make sure that I am ok, and if I seem tired they are the first to say so and convince me that I need a nap or something. They are good people. I only hope that I do not weigh to heavy on their genrousity. My spouse has also been full of little love things. Making sure that I can get what I need, sometimes helping me get what I want......... alway there to listen to me cry. I can be crazy and depressed around him and he is never scared away by it, never sits down later with me and says I got to stop or change or anything. Never says my fears are silly. Tho' he misses the computer which he got much more time with before I was home all day. And my mom and my anut......... always doing what ever is needed, making suggestions, taking their time of which there is precious little of and coming down, also making pratical suggestions for getting around and doing things. My aunt who is so genrouse with her money........ how ..... I wish I could pay her back every dime, I wish very much that she gets back all that she gives. I have a good family........... we all grew up to be a good family. Then there are the bloggers, who light up my life with their struggles and good writing..... how many countless hrs has my pain been held abay while I listen to you....... and how jelouse I somtimes am to wish I could write my belifs and my struggles with such skill. When I have been to sick to do anything I could come to you and read and share with you folks...... hehe, tho' sometimes I should have held back on my opinions until they were more temperd.

I have been so blessed............ hummm I thought I was alone this morning.... I guess not. :)


Blogger Annie said...

No, you are not alone this morning, or this evening, or ever!

You might like my Thanksgiving post on this subject (a bit late):

I know this next part answers your next post, but a friend of mine once told me that if all I have right now is anger, even at God, then that is my "gift", to ask him to take it and do something with it that I can't. So if you're feeling that you can't write with "hope" or "strength", then give the weakness and despair over to him and say, "That's all I've got, so there!"

I could never have written what I've written this past 2 years, if it was 1999 instead of 2004-05, or if it was even 2001 or 2002. Timing and prayer, achro, timing and prayer. Don't down on yourself. You have to heal physically. When I was sick for so long, that's the only thing that really mattered: getting better. And yeah, everything looked like hell. But look at me now...

3:20 PM  
Blogger Annie said...

PS: Hey, dearie, I am going to Eucharistic Adoration tonight in a little while, for Advent, will ask our Lord Jesus to give you relief, progress, hope, all that good stuff! In person!!


3:29 PM  
Anonymous Lee Anne said...

Hey Archo - I am sorry you are down...but at least you have no where to go but UP! (my attempt at cyber humour!)

You are living with pain and part of that living with it is the depression. I have had a pain in my right hip for three days now...and I knew that I had it for some reason, but I did not know why.

Now I know why. I have been offering up the pain to God for Him to use it as He will. I believe that my pain is for you, Achromic. I think that I have this niggly, sometimes really angry, pain so that you are not alone in your pain and suffering. Of course, my pain comes nowhere near to yours, but it is a reminder to me to pray for you.

Will you please pray for a friend of mine? Her husband, Gene is dying from cancer as I write this. He has had 47 years of cancer - he gets one tumor cut out and another appears. He is a stubborn old goat - yesterday he agreed to pain medication - he was hooked on heroin many years back after his first bought of cancer surgery and has refused any pain meds since.

Please pray for Christine...that would be Gene's wife. Thank you.

Blessings to you, dear friend.

4:05 PM  
Blogger achromic said...

Thank you both for you kind words. I know that there have been times... expecially of late that I have not been very kind or understanding in our discussions...... Annie, I thought those lyrics were very very meanful. Lee Ann, of course I will pray, I will pray that our science is fast enough to save this family from the pain of losing a loved one, I will pray that if that pain comes that they will be able to bear it with courage and strength. I will pray that their faith will keep them strong and give them comfort when no human can. To have love, is to know many many good and wonderful things... but it is also to know fear and true loss, for rarely do we die with each other.

6:36 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

Achromic, there is something beautiful about your spirit that shines through the computer. It's no wonder that your computer friends and family feel inspired to care for you. I'm so glad to have started to get to know you. Love and hugs to you.

5:52 AM  
Blogger Gawdessness said...

I look forward to reading your posts everytime I see that there is a new one.
You give so much and you don't seem to be aware of it.
The things you have written for and to my daughter during her stomach troubles really helped her and me. How much we appreciate that you made the effort and what comfort it has brought her.
Thank you and keep writing!

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Lee Anne said...

Achro - WOW! You are so spiritfilled...thank you for your prayers for Christine. I have copied them and forwarded them to her. You rock, Lady!

2:08 PM  
Blogger joe-6-pack said...

Someone else, a kindred depressed spirit, is praying for you.

Blogging is the cheap therapy until I can afford something better.

Praying helps too, without a doubt. But I still have my dark hours, dark days...

It is so hard to explain to those "on the outside". To speak about it sounds like you are making excuses. It is not what I want to be, what I was, what I could be. But it is what I am.

Your hanging in there helps those that read, but don't comment, too.

8:42 AM  
Blogger Val said...

Hey Achro, it sounds like you are blessed in many ways w/good family & friends... It's a time for all of us to count our blessings I guess!
My hubby wrote the most amazing reaffirming letter to my ex after our "Holiday Follies" -- even though he may never mail it, I may post it to my blog for all the world to see, what a wonderful man I've married. Every time he repeated "my wife" it was like a mantra, soothing my tired wounded soul & reminding me: "THIS is what marriage should be like!"
& hey Joe, I understand what you mean about the "cheap therapy" of blogging -- a shame that some a**hole crashed mine this morning, wanting to get in a flame war... I just replied that I don't engage in a battle of wits w/an unarmed person, ha ha. Keep on truckin'...

9:47 AM  
Anonymous Sarah Faith said...

Achro, I will keep you in my prayers. It certainly sounds like your husband is truly fulfilling his role to you, which is wonderful to see. E-Hugs and prayers

1:28 PM  
Blogger achromic said...

Joe..... thank you........ thank you sooo much.... I .... it .... you.... (((((((((Joe)))))))))<-----hugs

8:10 PM  
Blogger Silent Rain Drops said...

Hey, kiddo - I'm sorry I haven't checked in on you in a few days. I have been laying low because I quit smoking - again - on Sunday. Today is Day 5. I'm hanging in there, but I don't trust my temperament for another two weeks yet. Irritability? Such an understatement - but a terribly minor complaint I brought on myself. I will think of your perseverance whenever I need extra strength (I do that a lot).

And I can't think of anything that expresses how I feel better than what Emily said - so what she said, goes for me too.

10:49 AM  
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