Come sail away with me

Well this new medication called Gabapentin is certianly diffrent. I now feel like the world is rocking and I am as unsteady on my feet as a 10m old baby. They say that effect will go away, thank goodness. In the mean time I got to figure out if the meds are helping or not with the pain. That is harder then you think. So I got a journal going if I can just remember to use it. Where I write in how much med I took and what my pain lvl was at that time etc. I am not out of pain..... but there are hours when I feel like I should just jump up and start scrubbing the bathroom or go back to work ........ hehehehe only to stand up and fall...lol.....

I have been having horrible deppression. Last night my mom called and I told her what all was going on.... I think I scared her...... and she got off the phone and I just started crying histarically poor J. he didn't know what to do with me. I ...... Why does everyone say they want to help and then when I fall apart everyone runs away? Am I really still that scary? J. doesn't run away... he is there doing his best but I feel like I lean on him too much, that I must be a crushing wieght upon him when he has so much to do in the day. Everything is sooo not ok. I donno what to do about it. I can't make myself better... I can't even tho' I keep trying. I try so hard. But the body won't listen anymore. I am broken, like humpty dumpty. Nothing is the same anymore and I can't bring it back.