Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Come sail away with me

Well this new medication called Gabapentin is certianly diffrent. I now feel like the world is rocking and I am as unsteady on my feet as a 10m old baby. They say that effect will go away, thank goodness. In the mean time I got to figure out if the meds are helping or not with the pain. That is harder then you think. So I got a journal going if I can just remember to use it. Where I write in how much med I took and what my pain lvl was at that time etc. I am not out of pain..... but there are hours when I feel like I should just jump up and start scrubbing the bathroom or go back to work ........ hehehehe only to stand up and fall...lol.....

I have been having horrible deppression. Last night my mom called and I told her what all was going on.... I think I scared her...... and she got off the phone and I just started crying histarically poor J. he didn't know what to do with me. I ...... Why does everyone say they want to help and then when I fall apart everyone runs away? Am I really still that scary? J. doesn't run away... he is there doing his best but I feel like I lean on him too much, that I must be a crushing wieght upon him when he has so much to do in the day. Everything is sooo not ok. I donno what to do about it. I can't make myself better... I can't even tho' I keep trying. I try so hard. But the body won't listen anymore. I am broken, like humpty dumpty. Nothing is the same anymore and I can't bring it back.


Blogger Silent Rain Drops said...

Poor Achro - you're having vertigo, I take it? Ugh. I get that a lot, especially when I read. I sure hope this medicine helps you, and the side effect goes away soon. A pain journal is a great idea - I've had one before, and it sure helped me at the doc's visits when my mind was always so fuzzy.

It must be hard for your mom to see you suffer, and not to be able to help. I will keep you all in my prayers for strength to see you through these difficult times, and for brighter days ahead.

1:08 PM  
Blogger Val said...

Sorry you are having such a rough time. hope they get your meds straightened out, the sooner the better. hang in there!
Love & prayers,

3:48 PM  
Blogger Gawdessness said...

Would you like a scarf? Big or little, colour of your choice?
It would take a little while for me to do but...well I would be doing something for you!
Even if it was weird.
Thinking of you, a lot. Depression sucks. There is an understatement!
Serious about the scarf though, let me know!

7:11 AM  
Blogger achromic said...

hehehehe thank you Gawdessness! You are soo sweet. But we donna get that cold down here and my mom is knitting me one for when it is. Still that just bought a huge grin to my face! Hopefully it will be one that last all day!

SRD and Val, thank you soo much for your kind words. It is one of those meds that you tirtate up so every week I increase my dosage.... and have sever side effects for three days..... so this will probably be going on for a bit. Darnit. Val as always your love and prayers are welcome I donno that they help but I'm very sure they don't hurt. :)

9:17 AM  
Anonymous jeanette1ca said...

No, you didn't scare me honey. I just was having a very bad day myself, and I'm sorry I couldn't reach out to you as much as you needed. I am here for you, always, but I know the worst part of depression is that it makes us feel so alone and isolated.

The only way I know to counter it is to trust. Trust we are here for you, even when we don't respond in the way you need. Trust that G_D will give you strength to get through, even if it is only 15 minutes at a time. Trust that money issues will resolve themselves, even when you can't think clearly enough to see how.

You have grown into such a great person, and I am so proud to call you daughter, friend, companion on this journey though life.

Love- Mom

11:37 AM  
Blogger Lionmom said...

I'm sorry the pain and the situation is so bad. Wish I could do something!


6:27 AM  
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