Friday, October 28, 2005

Feeling Good

Hey folks, I'm feeling pretty good if a bit tired. It is somewhat disturbing to know that I'm a pain regiment that is equal to a cancer patient. I mean WOW..... I knew that the light meds were not taking care of things.... but I didn't realize how much I needed to get my pain lvl down (not all the way gone just down), but I actually have hrs where I feel almost normal. I feel a strong sense of terror when I think about how venerable I am to losing my medical coverage at this point. I would have a lot of pain to deal with plus I would now be sick sick from withdrawal. I'm so use to being stronger then life... LOL... but ummm guess not so much in reality. I am trying to both come to terms with being disabled without loosing hope that I will get better. It is really hard when I still don't know what else is going on to cause the pain. I'm still in limbo as far as some of the stuff goes... and I will stay in limbo for a bit.... I have a diagnoses thing on the 7th.... where I will be asseted for going back to work and hopefully that will answer some of my bigger questions but it may not. I'm sort of wishing that I had some type of group thing to go to and talk to people but I'm told I'm still not ready for that.... and I'm really not... I can't even sit up in an upright chair for more then 15-20min. and long car rides tend to make me nausea (guessing the drugs help with that). I am walking tho'! And really getting better and better at it. I almost look normal walking as long as no one sees me try and get up and get started. Of course I feel foolish when people think that I can lift a bag or follow them at anything more then a crawl.... still don't know if I should explain or not....

Yesterday I was all sorts of sad mostly because I wanted to go hang out with my mom but just knew it would be too much and that I wasn't ready. I wanted to be well enough for just that and I was real sad that I wasn't. But today I'm doing pretty good.... hehehehe it helps that they got Libby, and that supreme court nomiee got shot down....


Blogger Gawdessness said...

Waiting to get better is hard for me and I have never had to wait for it like you do right now.

Hang in there.
Glad it is getting a bit better, I think, it sounds like it is anyway.

Glad to have you back and to see you commenting!

4:29 PM  
Blogger Silent Rain Drops said...

It IS hard work. I'm really glad to hear your pain is being modulated, giving you some well-needed breaks.

9:51 AM  
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