Sunday, October 09, 2005

-ok I havn't even left and I want to be home

I updated Itunes so that I could play with the ipod shuffle and some cool stuff to listen to while in the hospital...... ummm I broke it.... won't open, won't download the new quicktime it just is compleatly F up! Darnit. I still have to pack. I still have to make a list of no. of people to call when I wake up or if I die. My mom is somewhere but I don't know where and she wanted me to help in rescueing a mouse that she found on the sidewalk tonight..... but I can't because I got to go the hosipital tommorwo and I can't risk any zoonitic desised mouse. I'm so tired and I hurt because it is getting close to time for me to take my meds. In case you were wondering.... I hurt like hell. I hurt like someone is stabing me over and over again with a very small but sharp knife in many areas of my body or like there is a peice of broken glass inside of me turning round and round and ripping my insides into shreads. The only time I don't hurt is when I'm so stoned I can't think and then I wouldn't say that I didn't hurt as much as I would say the pain is very far away. Right now it is up close to my face jumping up and down. I'm so not ok. And now when J. gets home the last thing we are gonna fight about is this stupid ipod thing...... what if I die and he forgets all the good stuff we had because we were fighting about an ipod? What if that is all he remembers? I hate it when my meds wear off and I'm in pain , I'm such a freaking basket case.


Blogger Gawdessness said...

I would be a freakin basket case too - heck I am one fairly often without as much reason as you have to be one right now.
So, I guess I think it is totally okay to be feeling that way.

that emoticon up there? That is the candle I lit for you at church and the one that I am lighting for you at home today and am going to keep burning all day. It is a pretty candle, quite tall and wide. Star shaped and milky colour with red and green showing through.
Whenever any of us here look at it, we will think of you and send you the positive and healthy and hopeful thoughts.

As a matter of fact I'm going to take a picture of it, right after I light it and post it on my blog.

This is the thing that we say at church after everyone who wants to has lit a candle:
May the light of these candles
inspire us to use our powers
to help and not to hinder
to heal and not to harm
to serve the spirit of truth in loving affection and trusting hope.

They are kind of nice.

7:14 AM  
Anonymous cluttergirl said...

OMG i was so freaked out to go to the hospital just for my laparoscopy. I was afraid that I would die while I was asleep and wouldn't finish my life. but here I am. You know if you had a fight with J about the Ipod, he may regret it forever if you died, because he would think of all the beautiful times I spent with achromic and the last night that stupid ipod, how could i be so dumb... I am pretty sure that there is zero none naught chance that the only thing he would remember is the ipod fight! I am pretty darn sure he loves you so much. You come back and write to us how it went and how your pain is better.

10:07 PM  
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