Wednesday, October 05, 2005

It's cheesy

Yep so, I have been to see a plethora of them there doctor types. Some good news and some bad news. Good news first. The chronic pain specialist is very hopeful that no matter what they can at the very least improve my lvl of pain and help me get back to some thing close to normal.... although weither I will be able to do my job which is fairly physical is still up in the air. I asked for a diagnoses of my pain (so I would know what to call it besides a hernia as that did not seem to include everything that was going on) and she said something close to systematic pain at the surgical insion site some of which seems to be because the fashell (sp) was bundled up "like saranwrap". She said that they wanted to stop the pain from "centralization" which as far as I could make out met that she want to stop the brain from deciding to get stimulation of pain from that area so that it couldn't diffreniant pain that is important from anything else that might be happening to my body. To do this she was gonna up my lvl of pain med while I'm in the hospital. Then send me home on what I'm on now, if then in 4 wks I'm still in pain and on the pain meds I will call her and we will start planning for a reevaluation of why I'm in pain and also the therapies that will be involed in trying to teach me both how to deal with the pain and in teaching my body how to resignal the pain.

The bad news, came from the surgeon.... seems like she could feel the hernia in a different place then last week.... thinks that could be because my muscle is like "swiss cheese". Basically some of the pain that I am feeling could be because I'm getting new tears all the time... nice. She also kept stressing that the surgery may not take care of any pain. I think tho' that was mostly so I would be prepared for that if it doesn't happen and I am. Very much am, I have already in my heart given up my job, and am beginning to accept that I maybe out of work for a long time. She is hopeful that this time they will be able to insert the mesh that they did not do last time.... I'm not as hopeful about that, seems to me that I defy all the surgeon's expectations. I'm also worried because she could not get the other surgeon that she was hoping to help her to come in and help.......She seemed confident but I mean why did she want help unless she needed it in the first place?

On other news my brain seems to be handle the stress in very unusual ways.... now remember I am dyslexic and math and spelling are very very hard subjects for me, so why I would dream that I had to figure out 00.0001/.1707(3/4)=A+B*D^10 before something terrible and dreadful happened I just don't know. Probably because my mom finally gave up her Harry Potter book so that I could read it, and Harry always has to figure out bizzar things before he can do what ever it is that he is suppose to do.

Peace out for now.