Thursday, November 24, 2005

How do you keep posting about saddness?

I wish so hard that I could write about hope and strength. I do. I wish I had that to give but I don't. We went to an orintation for the next step of physical therepy and chronic pain clinc. It was....

Well first off I couldn't even sit in the chairs for the 1 1/2hrs.... I had to keep standing up and even then was in so much pain that it was unbearable. I was pratically in tears by the time we left. Next.... next they were straight forward.... if you are here it is because you have reach the end of what medicene can do to "cure" you now we have to focas on how to make your life better with what is wrong with you. It was heartbreaking even tho' I knew it..... To hear that hope was gone. That I am left broken, that I will never be ok.... just have better days and worse days. Thank goodness Juile aka SRD started saying things to prepare me for this a long time ago. I at least could bear it.... even tho' as one girl in the group was railing against what was being said my heart fell to hear them say to her and to all of us that it was basically over........ what ever procedures could be done were done....... now we had to focus on lifestyle, and the question of if I could ever return to work.

I am ok. Sad, but ok. My pain has good days and bad days, good hrs. and bad ones. I am gonna learn, just like if I was blind or deaf, I will learn how to move diffrent how to change my life. This isn't the road I ever thought I would be on.... but here I am.... I am trying to look at it as an adventure..... but I am not quite there yet.

As for thankfulness......... I have never been so grateful as I am for my Mom, and my husband, and even my aunt. I never thought I would have such a wonderful family but I do and it makes me happy even in the mist of all this.

8 Comments:

Blogger Gawdessness said...

I wish so much that I could help in some real way.
I think of you and send you my best thoughts.
It sounds like such a journey. I am glad that you have your family.

1:39 PM  
Blogger L. said...

Physical pain is one burden you can`t pass to someone else. Here`s hoping you have more good days than bad!

9:39 PM  
Blogger Silent Rain Drops said...

Oh, Achro, it is sad news to learn pain is going to be your constant companion. But on the hopeful side, if I can offer anything that might help - it is possible to live with it, and to be happy in spite of it.

If I can offer some unsolicited advice based on my own experience with chronic pain: It will help to move as normally as you possibly can, and to keep moving. It's awfully hard, but I learned that the less I move, the more everything hurts. Take it at your own pace, too. If they ever suggest water therapy as appropriate for you, I really recommend it. It's easier to move in the water, but it strengthens the muscles quickly.

And God bless your family for being caring and supportive. Their love will sustain you.

You're always in my thoughts and prayers.

7:27 AM  
Anonymous chasmyn said...

I am so very sorry about this, my dear friend. Know that I am here for you. I'm silent much of the time because I have Kier, but I'm here.

4:18 PM  
Blogger GrannyGrump said...

((((achromic))))

3:56 PM  
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