Doing my best to pretend

That I am ok. I think I am physcally the herina at least has stayed reduced and the pain has gone down. Inside in my head...... not so good. It isn't as bad as it was on some of the crazy type drugs or anything..... but I am almost afraid to move some days. Afraid....... of everything. I don't know how to be happy anymore....... I don't know what that looks like..... I just live in fear of more pain.... every day every breath every moment. It is........ totally crazy. I know that. I know. I can't handle critsim without crying...... I can't handle sympathy without crying. I just stay huddled up to my computer....... doing a lot of nothing. BUT....... I am trying to stop that.

Here is how.

I went and bought more herbs to put in my garden out back
At the same time I bought a sander and am planning on sanding some furiture my aunt doanated to the cause and painting it in cute pictures.
I am still going to the gym 3 times a week...... I need to go more but.......
I am trying to do the next thing and the next thing and the next thing

And that is all. It seems like a small list. But it is all I have right now. Small things. I have a therpist...... I have group thing I go to for ppl that have chronic pain issues.