Sunday, June 05, 2005

WHY why why

Whine starts now...

I want more drugs I want more drugs I want them now. I want them I want them I want them now. I'm tired of being anxious and upset I'm tired of the self doubt I'm tired of feeling this crawling under my skin on and off. I want I want I want! This S**Ks eggs. I want my drugs. And they better never give them to me again.... NEVER... I can't keep doing this I just can't. I donna have it in me to want like this again and again and again. I hate this life I hate this world I hate those that have done this I hate myself for doing it. I hate being alone I hate being with someone I hate it all. I will not do this again I had better be well I had better never need it again... I still hurt ... I still don't feel right I still donno if it is the drugs wanting needing or if I'm sick with something else. I hate this I hate this I hate this.


Blogger She Dances in Dragon said...

You write out the worst of detox, and nobody comments. sigh.
It's because people don't know what to say. We don't know what you're going through; not really.
However - You'll make it through. And we'll still be here reading and caring.

7:04 PM  
Blogger Silent Rain Drops said...

Hang in there, dear Achro. Even if I don't say much, please know I think of you very often, and pray for your healing. You are teaching me so much about compassion! I am very grateful to have "met" you.

8:22 AM  
Anonymous chasmyn said...

I know you can do it, honey. I am so proud of you for doing this and being so strong. I know you can do it!

Call me if you want to - I don't know if this is a situation in which you want to talk or not. But I'm here if you need me.


5:40 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

Oh gosh, I just read this and my heart goes out to you in every way. Please know of my support and encouragement.

11:18 AM  
Blogger Ann Marie said...

Achromic...I don't know completely what you are feeling but I have felt my own pain of wishing the end would come....I too have felt torture of the mind only it was not because of drugs...I pray you can find peace...Maybe if you think about offering it's a catholic thing...but if you allow your pain to be used for those who are suffering so that they may have some relief...your suffering will not be in vain...I hope this does not sound cruel to is not meant to be...

6:43 PM  
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