I know that it takes time

I know that this depression I feel is only a passing thing. I know that I have a sprite that bounces high and low but it bounces. I know that when you've been on the hard core drugs and had all these health problems that it is perfectly normal to be depressed. ALL of that means nothing to me. I just feel the weight. I want the drugs. I want to stop being depressed. I want to feel ok again and I want it now. I know that I cannot possible find another job with this black cloud hanging over me... I always show on my face excatly how I feel. I know that I am not alone... yet of course the depression weighs upon me and I feel very alone indeed. I hate these times in my life. I swear I hate the lie that the depression tells me, about how ugly and horrible I am and how worthless I am. I hate how it makes the fear in my belly burn and the lethargic sleep take me. I know that it is only temporary. I know that I will not stay here for long.... but it is sooo long... it's already been more then a couple of weeks. Damnit... I was depressed without the job thing but that has made it all so much worse.