Sanity... finally and spiders

ok how long was it that time... 12 days of hell I count. Because finally yesterday I started to feel better. 12 days where J. had to fear everything was gonna go to hell fast. 12 days where for me there was no sunshine there was no love there was nothing... I'm not saying it wasn't there but it wasn't getting thru'. I swear I hang on by my bleeding fingernails. Yes the job thing.... well now that I said to them fine if you donna want me I will go they are saying oh wait a min' we want you to stay. I don't want to, because my gut tells me this is not a good idea, but the reality is that I'm gonna have to just wait it out. If things get where I think they are gonna go then I will be fired or offered somekind of package and either way it will probably be better....not that I don't hate that but..... every month that I streach it out is another month that J. gets towards that education. And I have to do that... I have to streach it out like that. But I'm feeling much better about it then I was before. So it's all good.

I have for the past two days been getting bumps all over.... itchy red bumps not like a rash (not chicken pox either!). Everyone who sees it seems to think spider bit.... so now I'm really trying not to freak out but I am. Everyone that knows me knows what a bug freak I am. I hate them... if there is a Saten he is a big freaking BUG. Donna care about all that nature stuff... nature is fine outside not in my house. Gaaaaaakkkk bugs. AND it must be like a ton of baby ones because I must have like 40 bites all over my freaking body... and no it isn't fleas I checked the cats this morning.... could be chiggers but the californians that I've talked to donna think they know what chiggers are besides then why aren't the biting my hubby? IT must be G*ds way of teasing me because I'm debating Naamen the ex leper about the whole idea of the Trinty..... which I know is totally pointless but I still like doing it.