Saturday, January 15, 2005

Better and worse

Well for those who maybe interested the bitch at work didn't affect my performance review too bad. Which made me happier. I'm done being mad about all that. So that's good.

Worse, well I talked to my friend Chasmyn (which I'd link to if I could figure that out I'm gonna have her baby step me thru' it soon) about my low blood pressure. Thinking that she knows so much about the heart because her son Quinn died of heart problems. What I thought she would say was "your worried about nothing, it's ok, just do what the doctors tell you." What I got was more like "OMG it's how low? How come your not in the hospital right now?" Her DH was concerned to and although neither one of them are inclined to suggest western medicine unless it is absolutely necessary they both wanted to make sure I demanded to see a cardiologist right away. I'm just a tad more worried now. I sort of feel like a deer with a Mac truck barreling towards me. I'm skidding on the ice in the middle of a 6 lane highway. The net is not helpful. Either things that it could be are things I have no control over, or they are extremely serious things. Dehydration and B12 levels being my top candidates I've tried to increase my water intake again (my gd how much more am I gonna have to drink) and taking more B12 even tho' it makes me pretty sick (I think I'm allergic but every time I suggest this I get poopo by the doctors). Kaiser (my insurance agency) does not make things easy for you to get B12 you have to let them give you the shot. Now I give shots every single day to critters I can most certainly give myself an IM shot in the arm every 3 weeks but no they won't do that for a monthly shot because because oh hell I don't know why as every-time I've asked I get a myriad of different answers. So I take the stuff sublingual (under the tongue) and get sick as a dog for the next hr. IT"S hard to convince yourself to take medicine that makes you sick. Also I keep thinking that if I was really running low on the stuff wouldn't show up in the myriad of blood work ups that they do on me? I mean they know that I'm vitamin deficient so they always say they are testing this sort of stuff and it always comes out very very normal. Water intake is hard, I'm drinking a lot of water, I drink at the very minim 50 oz. a day but usually it is far far more then that, that is just what I know for sure because at night I count how many bottles I drink. So that leaves other things that are pretty scary out there, heart valve problems although they listened to my heart and I think they would hear something if it wasn't working right. And a neurological problem where the brian stops telling the heart to pump correctly. Oh and Addison's disease but usually that comes with an immune deficiency problem and I don't think that is a problem. Cancer is also an option but it's an option for almost everything. Also my low blood sugar readings could be doing something to but I didn't quiet get how one would affect the other or if they affected each other. Needless to say my doctor visit on the 18th had best be a whole lot better.


Blogger Milenka said...

I came over to wish you blessings for the easiest surgical experience possible, but now I'm all worried. I really hope that you can get some answers and begin feeling better soon! You do not deserve this after all you've been through. *hugs* Please keep us posted, okay? I don't care if the entire blog turns into a bitchfest as long as I know how you're doing!

8:09 PM  
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5:55 PM  

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