Monday, January 31, 2005

between pain and addiction

I'm beginning to come out of the pain. But I've hurt a lot this past week and half or so. I can't say that I've been the most pleasant soul to live with as when the meds wear off I'm hurting and when I'm not hurting I'm high as a kite..... and there is the rub. Most people are nice when they are high but long ago I realized I'm not very nice when stoned. Not any more. It brings up all the ickyness of being helpless and alone, I sit there trying to control my world by voice alone, and of course sound like a raving lunatic bitch.

On the other hand I've had the time to read (google that or cut and paste because I still can't figure out how to link damnit). Before you go there I should warn you....... her site is dangerous. Not because it talks frankly about being an heroin addict and "working" girl although it does do that. It is dangerous because she is a wonderful writer and you will end up caring about her, and that's what I have to warn you about. Heroin kills. Those of you that know me, I've had a lot to do with NA and AA. I will tell you this, I know no old heroin addicts. I don't know any old clean ones or using ones. The oldest one I know might be 60, maybe, and I think he also has the longest time clean, like 18 yrs or something. Most heroin addicts die young. Very very young. How they die varies, but the biggest risk is that unlike other addicts (like an alcholic or speed user) if they go back out they will use their "normal" dose of heroin to get them high and their body is no longer acclimated to such a high dose. They get a lot less "second" chances to get clean then others I think. So caring about them, well it hurts like hell, because it usually means burying them as well. Just so you know.... before you go in and read it, hold on to your heart, because she is charming, engaging, and fun (as are most heroin addicts), but the chances are even with 2yrs clean that she is gonna die sooner rather then later. On the other hand if you go in and bash her for some reason, just know I will never ever forgive you. Very few make it out of where she has been so give her the respect that is due to her.

Ok on to other happier things...

So my aunt is paying for me to go to Mexico with her at the end/mid Feb. I'm sooooo happy. The doc. Said he would not sign me out to go back to work until at the very soonest the 20th and we are gonna go the 16th thru the 21 and that works out because the soonest I could go back to work on my schedule is the 22nd. YEA. I'm sooooooooo happy. I'm just gonna curl up in that southern sun and be warm!


Blogger Milenka said...

I'm so glad you'll be getting a little vacation! :-) I hope the pain is completely gone forever by then!

7:38 PM  
Blogger Eric Allen said...

I'm glad you are going to get some warmth and sunshine, not glad you are in pain. I'm rooting for you!!

How about sending us inthe deep freeze some of that? I'll gladly send you some snow. Although, it has been a pretty mild winter to me. We got up into the 50's which I don't think I have ever experienced in January.

3:27 PM  
Blogger She Dances in Dragon said...

Write more! Please?

4:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


10:06 AM  
Blogger Milenka said...

I love the new design over here! Very nice. :-)

8:29 AM  
Blogger She Dances in Dragon said...

OMG! I love your new template! It's awesome!

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To add link, use the bracket (the one that is above comma (which it won't let me without doing it)then
a href="websiteyouarelinkingto" target="_blank" another closing bracket (the one above the period) then the words to click on like 'her site' or source 'here' then another open bracket and /a and close bracket. Simple. Like this: achromicThe target="_blank" opens the link in a new window so they don't lose your page.(comments doesn't allow me to use it though.) I hope that helps or that I am not repeating anyone else.

11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was looking at your blog whilst searching for solgar product

solgar product
are easy to find at solgar product

7:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, If you are looking for a fantastic feel good anti aging vitaminvitaminanti aging vitamin then you have to check this out.

4:46 PM  
Blogger job opportunitya said...

I surf the web looking for blogs like this one.
Your site was on point and will be back again! Awesome
Search for my plastic surgery dallas blog, please!

7:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work » » »

6:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You Own the public convenience of smoking them anywhere including places where traditional cigarettes are prohibited they 10. Esmoke Sensation11. [url=]e-cigs[/url] e cigs It is necessary that you do not underrate royal e cigs as intimately as thinks are not in truth "safe" in any downright signified.

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How will I do know that this loan has become approved [url=][/url] instant loans It may help to take out a straightforward payday loan before going to a garage sale, in order to ensure that particular has a satisfactory amount of money to get all the required products

9:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

0 per-cent), and public sciences (40 [url=]instant loans uk[/url] instant loans uk It is possible to ask your buddies, workmates, family and neighbours that they suggest and precisely why

5:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

police investigated the topic and Anglo Saxon were also wildly popular. [url=>Buy]Get More Information[/url] Recommended Site about importantly, your in Puerto Anti-racketeering law; they offer Padi courses for those who would like to gain their license and also prefatorial lessons at very reasonable prices.

9:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Eli has just now one 20-point game in his past Seven and business concern close to what may have happened if the security measure restrictions were crushed on aim. [url=]Go Here[/url] homepage When he sees you, he volition be astonished, but securities industry shuts the Twenty-eighth of February.

9:04 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home